Tonight, I think about Devin.

Tonight is tough.

Last night I went to bed, woke up and remembered I had the best dream. I dreamt that i was hanging out with Devin. He told he he was in an awesome place and not to worry... Nearly all my dreams about him are of me asking how he's doing and he's always telling me not to freak out.. It's actually pretty weird because that's how it was even when he was around.

Life is life. You live, you do what you were supposed to and then you're gone... And everyone is stuck asking why.

No one will ever know why. It's probably the only answer we ever want... Well at least for me. I wasn't done hanging out with him, I wasn't done with him being my best friend. He was supposed to be here for me until it was my time to go. We were supposed to be best friends forever. And now we can't... Physically at least. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm simply looking to vent. I guess it's a part of the healing process. Forgive me.

I'm always trying to be the strong girl, once I get a tear, I wipe it away and carry on... At least the best that I can. I know he doesn't want me crying over his death, I know that'll make him sad. But sometimes a girl can't help it. It's been awhile since I've sobbed. And I don't know when it's gonna strike again. I'm a little nervous because it can happen at any time.

I like talking about him and the kind of person he was.. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't talk about him...only because of the reaction I get out of people once I say "Devin used to do that".. It's like: oh my god, is she gonna start crying?!...
... NO. Okay, well I might.. But usually I don't. I love talking about him. And if you have any questions about him you can ask me... Even if its about the way he died. I don't care.

Devin was amazing. He was like a brother. He was nearly blood. To this day it's weird putting "devin" & "died" in the same sentence. I know I'm better than 4 months ago. And I know it'll get easier in the upcoming months.

Rest in paradise my sweet friend. Until we meet again.

Well..?

I'm not really surprised. The expected is happening and I can't be happier. I am not the kind of person to hope for the worst for someone.. But when you do the worst to me, I get kinda bitter. My bad. Wait..no.

It doesn't surprise me that something bad has happened to you, it's considered karma. I'm not gonna lie, it's happened to me. It's happened to a lot of people, and well, maybe you deserved it for hurting an innocent person who wanted nothing but the best for you.

I don't wanna sit here and rant about someone. That's not my nature; however, please just treat others with respect. I seriously don't understand why it's so hard. If you don't like someone, fine, it happens. That doesn't give you the right to put someone down, or make fun of them, or whatever you do to intentionally make them feel unwanted. That's actually called bullying. Not cool. We are all adults, we can be mature about things that need to be situated.

With all that said, I hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did! Learned some awesome things that I never thought I could. Much love. Have an awesome week!
<3

Liar liar.

It's amazing how shady some people can be. Especially when you've been nothing but respectful, honest, caring and selfless towards them. This is an issue I have been dealing with since I can remember. My parents have raised me to be the best person I can be to others. I always put others happiness before mine. I know that may be bad, but I'm just a caring person. I want everyone to have a good time, and if that means sacrificing a few things then so be it.

It seems as if people take advantage of this from me. Really? Why?

I just simply don't understand. Why can you be so heartless to someone that treats you like gold. Someone who sacrificed things to make you happy. If someone did that for me, shit, I'd be pretty happy.

Don't get me wrong; I am a happy person.. But when someone does certain things for you that you greatly appreciate, you get that different feel of happiness that corrupts your body. That feeling.. Is what I want others to feel.

That's just my rant tonight. Love those around you. Appreciate what you have. Appreciate what you had. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Respect everyone. And smile... They are contagious.

Goodnight all.

Believing.

Today was an interesting day. Had a 3 day weekend, one of which was a friend’s wedding; beautiful. I love weddings. Anyway... had work tonight. No big deal. Came home, watched a couple shows, got a confusing phone call and now I’m in bed… with my Mickey Mouse blanket from when I was in the single digit ages.

So many questions I have tonight. And I don’t know if they will ever be answered.

I saw on the news that a 60 year old man was shot for his gold necklace. I’m pretty sure that’s what they were saying. Anyways, apparently he was minding his own business and someone shot him, and there was a witness that came to him… What? Why? Was this man at the wrong place at the wrong time? It’s so unreal what people are doing these days. And it’s so scary to think that I could go for a run in my neighborhood and then I could never come back.

I know what it’s like for that man’s family and friends. How hurt they are. How they have so many questions. I wish I could give them a hug and tell them how I sorry I am. I know what to do when someone loses a friend or family member; I’ve experienced it firsthand.

I got a phone call about a certain someone wanting to possibly meet up this week. I don’t even know what to expect. I don’t know what to think, it’s one of those things where your heart starts racing, beating faster and faster... Why? You don’t know.  I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of failing, saying something wrong, saying something I don’t mean, not doing enough. I just want to be happy, and make someone just as happy. So do I take the chance, or do I move on and one day say “I wonder what my life would have been like if I just went out that night”… Oye!

“I wonder what my life would have been life if I went out that night” is something I think about on the daily. You know, about Devin. Some of you might not know, but he texted me that night. He invited me to go. He pretty much begged me to go. And I didn’t. I was too tired. I had gotten off work at 8pm and I had to be at work at 8am. I just wanted sleep. I get to work, and I received the worst phone call of my life. My life forever changed. Would I have died too? Could I have saved his life?  Hmm.  I guess it all happens for a reason?

I attended a wedding on 9/15/2012. It was a beautiful wedding. Devin was supposed to be in it… actually, he was still in it. I love weddings. They bring so much happiness, joy and hope. I tend to think about how my wedding will be one day. Who will I get married to? Will I ever get married? Ha! I know. I’m nuts. But it’s a girls dream to get married one day, right?! Anyway, it was wonderful. I got to spend it with the people I love the most. Pretty much my second family. I love you all.

I remember once when I was my happiest I could have been. I’m about half way there... when it comes to certain things.  I know I can get there, and I am striving to be there.  I am a happy girl. I am a strong person. I have experienced the unexpected. I have faced the truth and I have loved the lies. I believe one day I will have everything I have wanted. Everything I have dreamt of. I believe one day I will be able to share my happiness with someone else. 

I believe.

Yeah, it's been awhile...

Whoa dang. I haven't written a blog in over a year... I guess I can start again.
There has been a ton of stuff that has happened in the past year, some good and some bad. Where do I start? I guess if you follow me on Facebook, then y'all pretty much know the basics. 

So I guess I can start. 

The major thing that has happened to me is that I unfortunately lost my best friend, Devin. It’s unreal how it happened. Not gonna get into detail about this on this post. 

I moved to Elk Grove. My bestie Jill bought a house (CONGRATS!) and we are helping each other out. That’s what good friends are for, right?

Not with In-n-Out anymore. I'm a body waxer at European Wax Center. Come get waxed! 

Started school; just one class right now. Wish me luck :)

Those are the major things in my life. Other things..? Welp, they will come along too, I guess. 

On a different note, today is my lazy day. Laundry, cleaning, this blog, and catching up on my shows. I guess it’s an alright day. You make it what it is, and this is what it is. 

Life is crazy, and you have to just deal with it. Life brings curveballs your way. You can choose to either dodge them or try to catch them.  It’s pretty hard for a lot or people to understand my life and the way I choose to live it. I am the kind of person who will let you know what’s up. You can have that or you can have someone else who will not say a word. I hear communication is important in any sort of relationship.

I think I’m done for today. Until next time.

I'M SORRY!

I really am sorry. I haven't been blogging and I feel weird about it. 

So yeah, been in Cali.. Still miss Texas like crazy.

There really hasn't been much going on with me, just working those "bleh" nearly 8 hour shifts... I miss those 12-14 hour ones really bad though.

Applied for an apartment a couple days ago. My good friend Candice and I have been searching everywhere and we finally found one we like.. Now we just have our fingers crossed that we get approved! It"s a pretty sweet deal in an amazing area. 

Labor day is this weekend and I'm extremely bummed. My family is having this huge reunion/get together.. and I have to miss it. Unfortunately my job is understaffed and I have to "take one for the team".. BS.

Some ladies of mine are going to Vegas in a couple weeks too.. I hope I can go to that.. Oh wait, probably not :-/

Okay no more b*&$^y Parisa! My baadddd! 

On a good note.. My sister is visiting in a couple weeks. Super excited to see her. BBQ and some fun with friends.. Should be a good weekend.

My friend Zuhra is graduating college, I can't be more proud of her. I owe that girl so much. She seriously is more than a friend.

My bestie, "Momma Jilloroni" aka Jill, has been nothing but an amazing friend.. Lending me a bed and a roof over my head while I find a place to call my own. I want to thank her the world.

I also have a friend visiting Cali soon. Haven't seen him in years. He's someone I will always remember, he has a beautiful daughter and just got an awesome job offer.  I can't wait to catch up :)

So there you have it folks, not much of an exciting month that passed. I will tell you, when it rains, it rains hard. 

I don't think I would have it any other way... Have a wonderful September and kiss the ones you love. <3

dude. bro.

Sitting here trying to think of what I should blog about. I know all of you are dying to catch up on my life right now.

Well when I got into California I visited my parents and sister in southern California. Drove my “knock on wood” car all the way up to Sacramento. Had to take the 101 instead of I5 due to the grapevine. But I made it okay!

Missed my coworkers 21^st birthday. But I’ll make it up to her.

Saw my baby cousin on Friday. She says my name... and a lot more... it makes me feel old. She is such a little crazy girl. I love it.

So on Saturday, Jill and Devin decide to take me to the river for rafting... at least that was the plan. We get ready and Jill tells me we have to pick Devin up. So we get there, I ring the doorbell and my friend Zahra opened the door. I stood there in utter shock. Zuhra? Wtf! I can’t believe you’re here. I walk in and I see Dominique, Devin’s parents. I go outside and I see Nathan w. playing some beer pong... yet I can’t see who he is playing with. I go behind the curtain and I notice gentry and Brittni b (my coworkers) and Andrew, an old friend. I was completely surprised. Later Courtnee, Heidi, Ryan, Megan, and many more showed up. It was definitely a blast. Getting thrown in the pool more than 3 times. Playing pool volleyball, beer pong, and chuck bbqin the best hotdogs and chicken ever. We also had corn and beans. Oh and chips too. Man I loved it.

I can’t thank all of them enough. Especially Chuck and Cheryl for providing their beautiful home. I love you guys!

Today was more of a recovery day. Went and saw my grandma and uncle. . Drove downtown and got a lot of stuff cleared that was on my mind.

I can’t wait to start work on Wednesday. I’m definitely ready to see some coworkers! Let’s make some burgers!