Believing.

Today was an interesting day. Had a 3 day weekend, one of which was a friend’s wedding; beautiful. I love weddings. Anyway... had work tonight. No big deal. Came home, watched a couple shows, got a confusing phone call and now I’m in bed… with my Mickey Mouse blanket from when I was in the single digit ages.

So many questions I have tonight. And I don’t know if they will ever be answered.

I saw on the news that a 60 year old man was shot for his gold necklace. I’m pretty sure that’s what they were saying. Anyways, apparently he was minding his own business and someone shot him, and there was a witness that came to him… What? Why? Was this man at the wrong place at the wrong time? It’s so unreal what people are doing these days. And it’s so scary to think that I could go for a run in my neighborhood and then I could never come back.

I know what it’s like for that man’s family and friends. How hurt they are. How they have so many questions. I wish I could give them a hug and tell them how I sorry I am. I know what to do when someone loses a friend or family member; I’ve experienced it firsthand.

I got a phone call about a certain someone wanting to possibly meet up this week. I don’t even know what to expect. I don’t know what to think, it’s one of those things where your heart starts racing, beating faster and faster... Why? You don’t know.  I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of failing, saying something wrong, saying something I don’t mean, not doing enough. I just want to be happy, and make someone just as happy. So do I take the chance, or do I move on and one day say “I wonder what my life would have been like if I just went out that night”… Oye!

“I wonder what my life would have been life if I went out that night” is something I think about on the daily. You know, about Devin. Some of you might not know, but he texted me that night. He invited me to go. He pretty much begged me to go. And I didn’t. I was too tired. I had gotten off work at 8pm and I had to be at work at 8am. I just wanted sleep. I get to work, and I received the worst phone call of my life. My life forever changed. Would I have died too? Could I have saved his life?  Hmm.  I guess it all happens for a reason?

I attended a wedding on 9/15/2012. It was a beautiful wedding. Devin was supposed to be in it… actually, he was still in it. I love weddings. They bring so much happiness, joy and hope. I tend to think about how my wedding will be one day. Who will I get married to? Will I ever get married? Ha! I know. I’m nuts. But it’s a girls dream to get married one day, right?! Anyway, it was wonderful. I got to spend it with the people I love the most. Pretty much my second family. I love you all.

I remember once when I was my happiest I could have been. I’m about half way there... when it comes to certain things.  I know I can get there, and I am striving to be there.  I am a happy girl. I am a strong person. I have experienced the unexpected. I have faced the truth and I have loved the lies. I believe one day I will have everything I have wanted. Everything I have dreamt of. I believe one day I will be able to share my happiness with someone else. 

I believe.