Today is hard.

Spoke a lot about Devin today.. To coworkers & friends. Still can't believe he's gone. I make sure all of my family & friends know how much I love them. You never know when it's your time to go, or their time. I hope everyone has an awesome Friday. I wish I could go back 8 months so I could spend his last night with him and friends. Tonight is hard. Everyday is hard. I don't know how to deal with this.. I don't know what's normal and what's not.. All I know is I can't control my feelings. Some days I'll cry like a newborn and others I'm as happy as can be.

It doesn't matter how busy I am, I always think about him. Where is he? What's he doing? Can he see me? Can he hear me? Is he trying to send me signs? I will never know what it's like on that side until its my time.

Today is one of those hard days. I can't seem to say these things to people in person without them giving me a strange look.. You know, the "what should I say to her" look. Yeah, I can see it on your face when I talk about him. And it's okay. It just makes it that much harder. I just want people to keep remembering him. I will always bring up his name, as least once a day. I will never forget him. I still remember the way he'd flick my head, put his finger in my mouth when I'd yawn, the way he ate, called me a brat, told me to "chill out".. I will never forget the way he'd drive, the way he'd cut off the end of a straw and chew on it for hours.. The only way he'd dance was if he was wasted... The way he was my wingman, my best friend, my brother, my family.

The tears won't stop. Not now and I know not for a while. But it's okay because I know I won't forget about him. If crying makes me remember him, then so be it.

I love life. You should too. There's so much to see and experience. You're never too old to do new things. You're never to old to start over.

<3